Love makes you want to live.
Sinclair’s Story: “By the time I came out, at age 20, I realized that I might actually be happy if I chose to be openly gay. I needed to live my own life in order to be healthy- as opposed to the way that my parents wanted me to. I moved to Nashville from Madrid, New York at age 21. My dad is an Evangelical pastor and after I told my family how I’d been feeling all my life they treated me as if my character had changed. What was once a really tight clan now acts as if they don’t know me. They’re a different breed and won’t budge on the idea that I am living in sin.”
Natalie’s Story: “I was always lost and trying to be somebody else. When I got to high school I was very aware of the fact that I was gay, but was also fearful of what everyone in my town thought of me. I fell asleep at the wheel for a long time. Now I feel free to be me, which was the most awesome feeling. After high school graduation, I moved to San Francisco to figure out where I belonged. I suspected that if I left Redding, California then maybe then I would have the courage to come out. At the time, I would have rather slept in a shack than stay there and end up miserably married. Once I landed in Nashville, while on a road trip, one big voice kept saying, ‘Stay here.'”
Sinclair: “A few years back I was living in this huge bachelor pad. We had parties every Sunday and one Easter-”
Natalie: “I showed up. Sinclair answered the door and immediately I had this strange flicker in my soul. Unfortunately, she went on tour right afterwards. When she got back we smoked cigars, drank wine and quickly got together. I was scared to death because I was supposed to be a good Christian woman and afraid I would go to hell if anyone found out.”
Sinclair: “In my world, once you’re in you’re in. I literally couldn’t believe the woman of my dreams was real and she liked me.”
Natalie: “Sinclair was enough for me to come out to my family. The question became, am I going to be miserable or honest? She brought the life back into me. After our first two dates I completely forgot about the rest of the world. I realized I had met the person who was worth losing everyone over.”
The Happy Ending:
Natalie: “The first six months were really hard. I cared what everyone else thought and wasn’t confident in my sexuality. However, Sinclair encouraged me to pick up my first love of painting again, which was so cathartic. Our first Christmas together she bought me canvases and art supplies. Then a mutual friend of ours asked me to do my first commission piece. Sinclair helped me, not only, believe but fall in love with myself too. Next I painted my first complete series called Paper Airplanes and sold 20-something pieces between two art shows. How much she inspired me absolutely blew my mind”.
Sinclair: “She has real soul behind the talent, which definitely translates to my art as well.”
Natalie: “Her co-writers have begged at certain points, “Can we please not write another love song?!”
Sinclair: “Since we’ve met I have written some of my best, most honest songs by far. I finally felt like a real artist because my material had so much more personality and depth.”
Natalie: “In my family, most of the relationships end in divorce. Being this in love feels very surreal.”
Sinclair: “While we moved really fast I didn’t want the magic to die. Sometimes you can be too rational and kill that beautiful spontaneous combustion before it even gets started. Desire is both steady and sporadic, much like songwriting. I think you need that, as well as friendship, to have a healthy relationship. I used to feel invincible and impartial towards death.
Being this committed to someone has made me understand the fear of life ending.”
BLACK & WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY: Heather LeRoy
INTERVIEW: Lily Clayton Hansen
Follow: PAINTER/STYLIST/MODEL Natalie Rose Sinclair on Instagram @natalieroseart
Follow: SINGER-SONGWRITER/MUSICIAN/PRODUCER Sinclair on Instagram @igobysinclair and at igobysinclair.com